Do you not know?

Just my two cents' worth. The holidays, is making me cynical.

I don't wanna miss a thing

Been stuck in the go between lately of my own wants versus my needs of surrendering to him. Staring at the 30 choices with 6 different ends of the earth, she remembers the weekend when a new acquaintance pointed out the verse long put away in the attic.

Prov 16:9 A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.

He doesn't realize how much that one verse tugged the chords of this heart. To know he has a plan and act upon it is not easy. Decisions still need to be made. Answers still need to be submitted.

Will he send me to Australia? Will I be soaking in the amazing sceneries of Scotland or will I be stuck in gloomy London weather?

For his ways are always higher.. Perhaps he does know what he's doing, no? ;)

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it. Attitude is the single most significant decision I make each day - Charles Swindoll

Prov 19:21 There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand.

Ker'na semua yang baik dalam hidupku itulah karyamu

Mengabdikan hidupku sesuai rencanaMu.

To give my upmost for his highest is to turn down so much of how I think, of how I feel. If things were my way, I imagine it would not be such a great world. I'm still too selfish that way. I'm trying to step through that door. You know, the door with life involving both pitfalls and blessings with a whole lot of surrender on the other side.

The amazing thing is that He never pushes. He'll bring you in front of this door again and again. Its you with the decision to make. Total surrender.

Step through it and you may not feel all that different. You'll probably be the same person you are now. But the purpose of your life will have changed. Stepping through the door doesn't change you - it does, however, change everything you're heading toward from this point on.

It means breaking the husk of my individual independence of God, and the emancipating of my personality into oneness with Himself, not for my own ideas, but for absolute loyalty to Jesus.

-Oswald Chambers.

I have hit the insomniac button again yet not much is being accomplished. As always, the fault lies in the same place. I wonder though, it is possible to not care? To not let the situation overwhelm or break you down.

ah well, study time. nerd mode:ON. Reproductive system seem to haunt even my dreams.

'Coz all I need is you

Psalm 27:4 - The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.

Oh, to be still. To forget and press on. To surrender. To be for a cause. To be sold out. To not care. To feel. To be in and not of! Tis something I still struggle with. Feeling of apathy. Superficiality. Priorities needing readjustment. Oh the flesh!

To get back on track.

To live life knowing its all about him.

To the unseen path, knowing his light is just enough.

All i have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all i have not seen

- Ralph Waldo Emerson (Something I got from a dear sister. Sabby, you cease to amaze me. the epitome of surrender. i love you much!)

could you take me beyond, could you carry me through?

sigh. Waking up to 'There's a cry in my heart for your glory to fall.. for Your presence to fill up my senses. There's a yearning again, a thirst for discipline. A hunger for things that are deeper.' Ah yes, that feeling for something greater. that yearning oh Lord for your name to be lifted high! Yet that fear of failure, that fear that you won't make it still crawls in even when you know he's got you. No one ever said the road would be easy.

I told myself this time it would be different. I want to achieve so much! And yet at times I settle for so little. There is so much to be done and Robert Frost put it best -
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

I feel incompetent more and more everyday. And surprise, surprise, its not the medical books causing the nauseating episodes.

All those frozen strawberries I used to chill your bruising knees

20nd of September - exactly 2 months from my last post. Its a good day to revive a blog, is it not? I shalt trieth hardereth. To bringeth joy and flowers and sunshine to this blog with of course, one or two dark and twisty posts in between...

I shalt starteth getting back on track. To routine? To that which is constant? Sometimes I wish I'm done riding this roller coaster. You never know when that deep plunge is gonna take place. You just have to have faith that you won't fall forward. That the seat belts will do their job. That the feeling of falling over is just a feeling, and nothing else. Just a feeling. A terrible feeling. An exhilarating feeling. But still only a feeling.

You won't fall. and to make it even better, throughout the whole ride, you get your adrenaline rush.

Better than the riches of this world

I'm on my way
I promise you that I won't be long
I just called
Called you to say
I miss every little little moment
without you

And I can't wait
For us to be alone.
I'm almost in your arms.
I'm coming home.

That's right people, after a grueling 16 hour flightcummoviemarathon. she has only 4 more hours to Malaysian soil! she misses Malaysian food. HongKong food is yucky - just my 2 cents worth :)

These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray

Even with Starbucks everywhere, this girl's been having trouble accessing the net.. agh. She just found out today there's been wireless in the hotel room she's in but realizes its too late.

Crazy times. God-given wonderful blessed times. I wish I could record every second of it!

BUT, the place is stinky & congested. Its been pretty much a love hate relationship with the city :/

Anyway, this short post is to let everyone know that yes, SHE IS ALIVE. mwahahah

and as much as she loves this part of the world, she can't wait to go back :)

We'll get lost together until the light comes pouring through

Life is funny. Little things everywhere. Whether you notice them or not. Can make your day. Can put a smile on your face :)

little things. pretty nice little things like beautiful sunsets. cool weather. bear hugs. good food.

even the notsonicethings. like 19 hour flights. and bad flus & headaches :'( why are they nice? because there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

good times. it makes everything better.

3 more days...

3 hari lagi...

awayfromeverything.

He is Lord, He is Lord

Sings my soul, He is Lord.

And he lives, yes he lives.

Here in my life

There are times I wonder what I'm doing and why I'm here. Why the sleepless nights and the anxiety thinking if I'll make it this time. I wonder if I will ever make a good doctor. To deal with real lives in your hands. I wonder why it has to be so hard. Sometimes it feels like I should be doing something easier. Something I know I'll be good at.

Then I start wondering about you. I wonder how you love me. Despite the insecurities and the imperfections. Despite how low things get. You love me. Even after everything. Something I cannot understand.

He loves ME. He wants to bless me. Why is it easy to run back in his arms and fall in love with him all over again? I don't deserve any of this. There's no more shame, nor guilt nor tears or pain. He's never given up on me. I don't plan to give up just yet.

I have never walked on water

Felt the waves beneath my feet but

At your Word Lord, I’ll receive Your

Faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember how You found me:

In that very same place

All my failing surely would've drowned me

But You made a way

You are my freedom

Jesus you’re the reason

I’m kneeling again at Your throne

Where would I be without You

Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens

Sing for joy at one who finds

The way to freedom, truth of Jesus

Bought from death into His life

And I remember how You saw me:

Through the eyes of Your grace

And though the cost was Your beloved for me

Still you made a way

Its the last chance to feel again

with eos coming so so fast, the biggest question of this semester remains...

.

..

...

....

WHERE'S THE BEST PLACE FOR DIVING in kk? *sigh*

I don't know which one to choose. 

Or perhaps climbing mount K should be enough? i don't like kk anyway. haha

electives! our much awaited holidaycumhospitalattachment. Heard QEH is being demolished. Gah!

a thought : with cling, jl and the three dahlings, tis going to be an interesting 2 weeks indeed. :)

oh! (magic lecture notes appear out of thin air!) hello there tuberculosis. Its nice to meet you again. Would you like to stay for a cup of tea?

byebye :)

Going Nowhere

mwhahaahha. One of the funniest pick up lines I've heard so far.

Guy : Can I massage your feet? 
Girl : Why would I let you? 

Guy : Because they hurt. 
Girl : They do? 
Guy : You were running in my dreams all night.... Please have coffee with me. 

haha, Paris Je t'aime... myheartcanmelt :)

okay okay, back to the land of cvs and respi. 

kan bagus klu aku boleh lari pi france...

In weakness or trial or pain

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

:)

She's exhausted she's tired she's scared.

And yet, the sun still shines in the morning! There is still air in her lungs. There is still reason to live. She wonders. 

herGodisaGodwhoprovides. 

Breathe in, breathe out. 3 weeks. only.3.weeks.more.

"Me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood

With Ash having epiphanies of chocolate, I couldn't help but to join in. 

Addison in Private Practice said it perfectly - 'I'm avoiding being kissed. I'm gonna donate my lips to chocolate'

oh to turn down temptation >:(

After a rather weird conversation of  random updates, mindless chatter, it had to end with the usual whys and whatswrongwithyous.

I wonder why we've come to the stage where arguing is becoming routine. 

"Behind every argument is someone's ignorance."

- Louis D. Brandeis

The question is whose ignorance it is. Yours or mine?

"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute."

- Josh Billings 

I'm keeping these lips sealed for now.

Somebody call 911

theres a cat meowing outside my apartment for the past one hour. I'm this close to throwing a rock at it :/

are cats edible? I wonder...

concentrate, natasha. concentrate!

hmm, why are there no stars in kl :( the sky's not even black. its greyish with a slight red-ish tint. stoopid pollution.

the CAT! still meowing.

focus natasha, focus!

creepy eye cat. yuck.

i wonder if I should go to sleep now.

where's your focus, woman!

gah, nontubercularinfectivediseaseofthelungs is silly.

creepy, meowing cats are silly.

silly girl.

Sing with your spirit, clap with your hands :)

The thrill of the chase. that strange feeling, that adrenaline rush through your system, your heart going ten times its pace every time you catch even a glimpse of him whom you are in pursuit of, that even the mere thought of him turns your knees to jelly. That need to find him. That desire to not let him go until he blesses you. 

I want that.

With the innerself in conflict. Oh, to turn down the flesh! To run. To pursue and seek only that.

His kingdom and his righteousness. cozeverythingelsewillbeaddeduntothat.

And, to starve what is not from him.

(somewhere in Montana - June '08) 

I remember as I stood there taking this picture, a verse just suddenly came to mind...

For you will go out with joy  And be led forth with peace;  The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you,  And all the trees of the field will clap their hands. (Isaiah 55:12)

He deserves the best :)

I'm falling to pieces

The dream is fading, now I'm staring at the door
I know its over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain't feelin what I see
It's no mystery

How can you marry someone who doesn't love you? How can somebody be that selfish? :''( Why so much pain? so much heartache :(

hati saya sudah hancur

Natasha doesn't like lovetriangleswithsadendings

stoopid movie. stoopid movie! It should be banned for making people cry. *sigh*

yes, it won best cinematography yes it was splendid acting BUT its too depressing. sigh.

Legends of the Fall guys, absolutely brilliant movie. depressing movie. top 10 in my list BUT still ohsosad :(

Whatever happened to a passion I could live for
What became of the flame that made me feel more
And when did I forget that
I was made to love you

I travel the world and the seven seas

I have always had a complicated relationship with football. Despite the fact I grew up in a family with football crazy boys with the dad, brother, uncles and cousins always going kuku when it was time to see 20 grown men running around to get a ball with 2 other grown men making sure the ball didn't enter the net, I have never fallen in love with the game. Yes, I do find it interesting and yes, I don't find it torture to sit through an entire football match - but... I have never had that burning desire to support and root for a certain team. nor have I had that intense passion to get up at 4am in the morning just to see them in action... (for this I get a 'blek' by the wiseone)

However, the Barca vs Man Utd was a different story. I cannot describe that happy feeling I felt the moment Lionel Messi scored their second goal. Tho I think personally Man U played wonderfully well the first 10 minutes (I really thought they could win the whole thing), Barcelona practically stole the show the next 80 minutes. It was totally worth it to see Ronaldo getting frustrated minute by minute! mwahahaha. 2-0! I take joy in the little things thats annoying and killing others at this moment :)

Kini gemilang itu semakin pasti ku genggam...

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God
Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God

Thank you Lord for a new day, for air to breathe, for a reason to live.

Its is Monday. It is a beautiful non-bluey blue Monday :) and and and - the birds are singing!

Anyone else in love with Breakfast at Tiffany's?

Paul Varjak: I love you.
Holly Golightly: So what.
Paul Varjak: So what? So plenty! I love you, you belong to me!
Holly Golightly: [tearfully] No. People don't belong to people.
Paul Varjak: Of course they do!
Holly Golightly: I'll never let ANYBODY put me in a cage.
Paul Varjak: I don't want to put you in a cage, I want to love you!

*sigh* loveyoldschoolmovies i like :)

Put your record on

I was having dinner with my extended family last night in this packed chinese restaurant in Bangsar Village when a thought hit me - Natasha, if someone were to suddenly collapse here in this room, would you know what to do? Do you remember cpr? Would you panic?

 yes, looks like its time to hunt those cpr notes down! I

Better is one day in his court than thousands elsewhere. Ps 84:10

I'm learning the art of surrender. To turn my eyes upon Jesus. No bargaining, no doubts. To trust him and let everything else become secondary. To place him where he's supposed to be.

And for me to be broken. Shattered. In pieces... And let the moulding begin.

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Refrain

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone

I've tried and I don't know why

I've been feeling much of an outcast

In fact, I enjoy the lonely moments really. 

But yea, to get back on track. 

Accountability.

I'm about to do something about it. so there.

All creation cries to you

A million apologies for the long hiatus! Evidently, studying and the internet for me just doesn't work. One exam down with the major one coming in 5 weeks and counting!

Today was a rather eventful day. Was woken up by a weird dream involving Mira, new SRC rooms, gyming and high staircases :/ Finally caught a movie with the coolkid and me thinks she's gonna want to not watch movies with me anymore :(

The one true thing I've been struggling a lot about is with trust. and love. Trust and love. I've been finding myself at a lost. Wondering whether I love him because I've been brought up in that environment, wondering whether its an 'all in my head' thing and basically wondering whether its real. whether this love, this faith, is real...

However, again and again, I find myself reminded of how real he is. of how he cares. that even as king, he wants a relationship, he longs to hear our voice. he still wants to our time. 

God's got perfect timing, really. Just when I was going through this tiny argument in my head, Daniel, in cf meeting shares about love. about joy. the simple things really. about joy and serving. To serve with your whole heart, to serve with joy. with love. no complains, to arguments. To serve a living King. :')

You see, its because he first loved us. That he died for my sins. That he IS the Alpha and Omega. I find myself forgetting that time after time. I find myself in a pit when trouble strikes but as Friedrich Nietzsche (a German philosopher with a cool name and even cooler moustache!! check it out here. mwhahaha) put it - "He who has a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'."

I've got my 'why' to live. so there.

Its time to continue the race, bearing every 'how' and 'what' and 'argh'!

Its a journey. Not an easy one, but its a journey I want to take.

One step at a time. learning, falling, getting up, walking. with him by my side, with him doing the steering. There's much to learn... to discover. 

I want that desperation. 

Here today and gone tomorrow

I can't do this on my own.

Realizing last night how much I still truly lack and knowing my own strength is insufficient... Makes it actually harder to believe in a God that's real, that's mighty to save. But then again, he's bigger than this.

There is just so much to learn.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bad may have a bitter taste
But sweet will be the flower. —Cowper

My Jesus, My Saviour

Cancer. 

The something you're convinced happens to random people. Not people you know. Those names in paper were just that - names. Statistics and prognostics that had nothing to do with me. Until, of course, it comes and surprises you with a knock on the head or with a kick on the shin. :/ 

Funny how the surprises keep on coming... again and again. 

Cancer. 

The something you learn in class. When you hear of it for real, you remember that one lecture note. The one about the prognosis. The one about the high mortality rate. And for a second, you hope upon hope that you remember wrongly. That there is a cure. That something can be done. That its just a hiccup. A bad dream perhaps? 

Stage 4.

It has to be a dream. The last time I heard this was less than 2 years ago. I thought, 'Lord, its impossible that you're letting this happen twice. Both also are people I know! Seriously?'

But, its real and its not going away. 

You learn to live. To live despite the pain. To live with that hopelessness. Knowing you can't do anything. Wait. What do you mean hopelessness?! There is hope! Hope in him. Knowing He can. That He is mighty to save. That he will pull us through. Its when the night is the darkest that light shines the brightest, no?

I have nothing to say at this moment but am reminded of a song... 'The same power that conquered the grave lives in me, lives in me. Your love that rescued the earth lives in me, lives in me.'

Religion's really not about a set of rules. Its a love story :')

Some say he's just a good man

God's chisel

no idea how to upload the video here. oh well, this video is a must watch :)

indeed we are a masterpiece. if we were truly junk? what would that reflect the maker? I used to laugh or deny it when someone said I'm special. that I'm different. you know? as unbelievable as it feels. as much as i'd like to deny it. I AM a masterpiece. And so are you. and you. and you. and you!

he made us in his image guys. the least we can do is honour him, love him, trust him.

Even in our faults, in our weakness, he can and will be made beautiful... How awesome is that?!

kudos to Joanne who introduced the video to us during sem1 cell group today. sis, you rock to infinity and beyond! :P

So I said

She's moved on to a new room :D a much, much better place for sleepovers if you ask me. hehe

She's thinking of this bridal shower she's going to miss tonight :( and the one she missed 2 weeks ago! AGH.

She's feeling a bit dizzy. Must be coffee withdrawals seeing that there's no kettle in her place! (and she's too lazy to go buy a new one). or perhaps its the oversleeping this past few days?

She's wanting blueberries :( and cows! and sheep. the cute ones. with bells! yes, definitely cows with bells.

Isn't it easy to complain about something instead of doing something about it?

I wonder.

Why is it always easier to see someone else's flaw instead our own.

To press on, is not easy. To change, to deny myself. To learn, to get up when I fall. To turn the other cheek... Lord, the heart is willing but the flesh is weak!

It is hard,

You ask, is the final prize worth it? Will you even reach the finish line?

I know its worth it, I hope I do.

'..let us strip off every weight that slows us down & let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.' Heb 12:1

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

I have never felt this hopeless before.

I have never felt more like crying than now.

you see, theburden'snotminetocarry, right?

When I'm weak, he makes me strong. When I fall, he picks me up.

I can't do this on my own.

Love is Colour Blind

I'm glad to be home :)

If only uni was near home... even with the squabbling and the hurting, there's the laughter and the fun.. i'd prefer it anytime! Everything is imperfectly perfect hehe

John Ed Pearce said it perfectly when he said 'Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to'

Does that mean I'm already in the 'growing old' phase?

There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again. 

me doggies are wonderfully adorable :)

Caught up in sorrow, lost in a song.

what's happening to the generation today?

why can't you see the bigger picture?

it's not about you.

life is not about you.

stop wasting time. please stop breaking the hearts of them who raised you.

materialism won't get you anywhere.

fame and cussing wont get you anywhere as well trust me.

what's with the lying? the cheating? the unnecessary relationships you know won't last?

what's with the slandering? the disobedience?

SERIOUSLY.

please, just stop it.

Perhaps we need the reminder from Robert Francis Kennedy.. “It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.”

can't you see you don't HAVE to follow the crowd? you can be your own person. being different is possible. there can be hope. there can be change. only if you let it. 

please.

I am appalled at the state of many lives I've come across. I know I'm not the better person, but it hurts to see so many young lives wasting their lives away when so much can be done. Lives are being lived uneventfully. 

They complain, they curse, they gossip and the excuse is - we're young therefore we're supposed to. I am saddened with the fact such mindsets still exist. 

Life is so precious yet they fail to realize this. They fail to realize what they do matter. I refuse to accept the excuse I've been given by a dozen parents and friends - 'their young and they'll grow out of it'. 

If one is not taught at an early age, how are they expected to learn it? If they can't do it now, do you expect them to suddenly figure things out once their in college? in university? Do you seriously expect them to suddenly get an epiphany one day going 'yes, i have to stop doing this rubbish'. It is, to put it mildly, very frustrating.

Your excuse that 'they are still teenagers and will grow out of it' is unfounded. saying that 'teaching them now will suffocate them and will cause them to rebel..' (seriously?) is, I'm sorry to say - stupid. as much as I respect you, I have to disagree.  

They need to be told off. and if you're not going to. I will.

Mind you, I know I'm just a few years older then these kids I'm referring too, but I feel OLD. The things they do, the things they say, really scare me. So now I know.. that's what happens when there's no discipline from the parents. Too bad.

'Cause all of the stars..

Who am I that You are mindful of me
That You hear me when I call
Is it true that You are thinking of me
How You love me it's amazing

I got lost today after church when I had to send a friend back to UM. What should have been a 15 minute drive became an unplanned two hour plus road trip (whheeeee)... Its not something I'm complaining about because I actually enjoyed going around kl! (either that or the Holy Spirit was really really giving me unmeasurable peace.) - we started off in PJ where a wrong daring turn brought us to Mont Kiara, Damansara Utama, One Utama, Mid Valley, KLCC and eventually we ended up on the road to Seremban where a quick turn to the left found us on the road to Kompleks Sukan Negara. I was very tempted to just go back to Vista! then of course, we took Kesas back to Subang..blablabla and then finally, the emo 30 minute drive back to Klang... haha

The feeling of being lost, that hopeless, frustrating feeling, is not a very nice feeling, mind you. The most frustrating thought would be the fact we were so close to our destination and only one stoopid wrong turn caused a major, major detour. (detours - sounds like my walk with him at times..)

I know this is pretty random.. but I was reminded of Naomi when she was 'lost'. Her life was in a mess and what's worst was that there was no major destination she wanted to reach. At least in my case, I had a goal, a destination. I had to reach Klang before the grandma called for a search team for her granddaughter! It wasn't so for her now, was it? She had a plan (like how I had a plan to go to UM and come back in time for dinner...)  She and her husband had gone to Moab during a famine and their sons had married Moabite women.. Life was good - until her husband and sons died and she was stuck as a widow in a foreign land... then what good were the plans now?

'Though honest about her pain, Naomi obviously had a sense of who was in control: “The Lord has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me” (Ruth 1:21).

The Hebrew word for “Almighty” (Shaddai) indicates God’s sufficiency for any situation. The word “Lord” (Yahweh) refers to His faithfulness as the loving covenant-keeping God. I love how Naomi put these two names together. In the midst of her complaint, she never lost sight of the fact that her God was a capable and faithful God. And, sure enough, He proved His capability to deliver her and His faithfulness to care for her to the very end.

If there seems to be no way out of your despair, remember that Naomi’s God is your God as well. And He specializes in managing our messes to good and glorious outcomes. Thankfully, He is both capable and faithful. So, when your life is a mess, remember who your God is! 

—Joe Stowell, RBC Ministries

In a lighter note, I have no plans to inflict anymore pain to the poor car that's already been around KL in less than one night... Its perfect timing really, for the much needed weekend break back home with no more kl driving.. 3 days and counting! 

mandi time.. studying time

selamat malam!

i dreamed a dream

Attention to all! do not, i repeat, do NOT watch the movie/musical Les Misérables if you ever get the chance. unless of course you enjoy a thought provoking, 'handsomely mounted, strikingly photographed and exquisitely acted' movie/musical. 

its the kind of movie that teases your soul throughout and in the end just stabs you in the heart. the sadness in the movie is so real, I promise you, my heart actually started hurting. (yes, that is exactly how I felt after watching it) honestly, its a good movie. it reminds you of how much life has to offer and how us selfish creatures have taken a lot of things in life for granted. It shows the two contras - the beauty of life and the brutality of life. you get to witness how ugly the world can get and yet, we are also given the choice of lighting a light instead of cursing the darkness. itstimetodosomething. 

As Victor Hugo puts it - "People are ignorant of things they ought to know, and know things of which they ought to be ignorant."

you know what? I LIKED the movie a lot. you'd want to buy the dvd and keep it forever because its that good. :)

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

I would love, love, LOVE to watch it live in Broadway :) I've heard its better than the movie...

The musical is based on a Victor Hugo novel (familiar with Hunchback of Notre Dame anyone?)... it's set in 19th century France (I am loving the accent and country!) depicting the life of Jean Valjean, a Frenchman who is imprisoned for 19 years because he stole A LOAF OF BREAD for his sister and mum (also, he attempted to escape several times, causing them to just leave him in jail longer). 

He eventually gets released but he has to carry a stupid yellow card to inform everyone he's a convict.. Obviously, everyone refuses to help him.. anyway, to cut the extremely long story short, I come to the conclusion I cannot give summaries of movies la. I'll end up telling the whole story :/ those interested can check this out hehe

in a nutshell, it covered so many aspects I can see and relate to the world today. Prejudices, injustice, hunger, compassion, love, transformation, acceptance etc. The scenes where Jean acts as surrogate father for Cossete will make you go 'ohhsshhoosssshhwweeettt!' The only problem is that the movie was highly abridged! me needs to go get the book asap mwahahaaha.. But seriously, the movie got me so worked up I think sleep just disappeared :/ the plot was complex and there was so much focus on the revolutions in France then that I googled it all and abandoned all hopes of finishing parasito lectures tonight.

There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
-Les Miserables

Its one of those movies.. they stay and never leave. :)

We can go the distance

Ike tagged me in this note in facebook. If anything's stumbling you from pursuing life, this is a must read!

Italian scientist, turning 100, still works

ROME – Rita Levi Montalcini, a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, said Saturday that even though she is about to turn 100, her mind is sharper than it was she when she was 20.

Levi Montalcini, who also serves as a senator for life in Italy, celebrates her 100th birthday on Wednesday, and she spoke at a ceremony held in her honor by the European Brain Research Institute.

She shared the 1986 Nobel Prize for Medicine with American Stanley Cohen for discovering mechanisms that regulate the growth of cells and organs.

"At 100, I have a mind that is superior — thanks to experience — than when I was 20," she told the party, complete with a large cake for her.The Turin-born Levi Montalcini recounted how the anti-Jewish laws of the 1930s under Benito Mussolini's Fascist regime forced her to quit university and do research in an improvised laboratory in her bedroom at home.

"Above all, don't fear difficult moments," she said. "The best comes from them."

"I should thank Mussolini for having declared me to be of an inferior race. This led me to the joy of working, not any more unfortunately, in university institutes but in a bedroom," the scientist said.Her white hair elegantly coifed and wearing a smart navy blue suit, she raised a glass of sparkling wine in a toast to her long life.

Source : http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090418/ap_on_re_eu/eu_italy_people_levi_montalcini

I can't make it through without a way back into love

"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." ~Thomas Jefferson

"From pale white to dark black, we've got the whole spectrum, baby!" 

- Ps Mark V.

As iron sharpens iron, no one can grow in isolation.  yes, I thank God for my family :) for parents who are so cute when they worry (especially if they think I'm purposely falling sick haha) and brother who calls randomly and just makes your day. for the cousins who are there to listen to your crap, smacking you when the need arises. 

you know what? family includes the friends. the ones that have helped in every way. the ones that have built me. Encouraging, exuberant, truthful and wonderfully hilarious friends. the ones that bear with the tempers and the weirdness..

i think Ungu says it best..

Terbelenggu cintamu
Terhempasku di dalam pelukanmu
Bermandikan air surga
Membasuh jiwa
Menghempaskan seluruh dahaga

hehe. a bit too descriptive but yea. 

anywayy, with the end of the weekend, its full throttle tomorrow! so, is it wrong to already be thinking of the next weekend? hehe

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard

Lord, you have my heart

To contend, to seek.. No more compromise.

I learned that what you agree to, you empower. Agree with depression, you feed depression. you let it determine your moods. day after day, it can only get worse. its a never ending cycle! But in the same way.. to agree with God, is to allow him to work. you allow him to manifest himself in your life. Then your actions are not determined by your circumstance, but are determined by something greater than us. 

that fear of the Lord. where we look to him in reverence and in awe.. in obedience..

When David teaches "the fear of the Lord" in Psalm 34, he says, "Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking guile. Turn away from evil, and do good, seek peace and pursue it" (vs 14-15). Turning from evil should lead to doing good. So you see, the next time someone is annoying - get this - you WON'T get annoyed! you won't get pissed. haha.  

There is actually so much to learn from the bible. hehe

I wear a halo

of late people have been accusing me of being rather melodramatic. in simpler terms, i've been perceived to be somewhat depressed/emo lately. Tis not the case really. in fact, i've been having a pretty crazy week that has rendered me not depressed but contented :). 

if I have been looking rather down, worry not my dear minions, for tis the look of a person deep in thought *cough cough* a person trying to get her bearings right, a girl shifting through parallels of her own world (where everyone randomly bursts out into song) and the world she has been forced to live in. 

So yes, bear with me as I continue this random and pointless post.

Homesick.

Yes, this girl needs to go home. Too much things around me have been reminders of what I've left back home. It only recently hit me that I'm never going back the same. No more staying at home except during the hols. (hols that always, ALWAYS pass like the wind. bleh.) No more routines. New chapters, new schedules, new direction.

Not knowing where I'll be just makes me want to hold my God's hand more than ever.

carpe diem. To seize the day. no more wasting time. no more regretting.

life is too precious to care what others think about you.
sing out of tune today. sing out LOUD.
mess your hair, jump a little.

laugh.. just because you want to.

haha. 

trust me, its good for the soul.

My feet are planted on this rock and I will not be shaken

Your praise is always on my lips

Your word is living in my mouth

And I will praise you in a new song

Taking his hand.. One step at a time.

Only when no one is watching do we really fall apart.

I'm sorry about today.

I truly am.

I didn't mean to. But you needed to know. 

You see, I have feelings.

And, guess what?

You hurt them.

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage..

(my goodness. this sounds so horrible depressing. breathe natasha.. BREATHE... i'm fine. i'm fineeeee. just a bit self absorbed today. to die to myself. GAH. its hard.)

you see, its just been one of THOSE days.

you know, when the singing birds just annoy the heck out of you. when the talking just.has.to.stop!

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person

That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

If you could see what I see..

Its funny how time passes so much now that I’ve grown older. I remember distinctly how slow time used to pass when I was younger. For next week to come, it seemed like forever. And yet, now, next week is just coming to fast. Perhaps it’s because we had every week to look forward to. Now when I don’t want it to come, it of course, wants to come all the more, faster. Perhaps I should anticipate next week, so much til time passes slowly. Ah well, wishful thinking.

An old, nay, elderly (we're taught NOT to be rude in csu haha) man stopped me on my walk back from uni to Vista today. He honked at me and asked for directions to Sri Petaling. Apparently my directions were not clear enough that he parked aside the road and asked me to draw him a map. But of course, he has to mention that I shouldn’t be stopping for any stranger asking for help. Its not as if I go around throwing myself at strangers who seem to need help. But come on la, discernment is there for a reason. There were people with me and the guards were just less than 10 feet away. Common sense would tell you it was safe and the poor uncle really was lost. What happened to good old-fashioned courtesy - where helping strangers was considered a good thing and not insanely dangerous for fear of being mugged, robbed and heaven forbid, kidnapped in broad daylight. What happened to a pleasant ‘thank you for your help’? Instead, all I got was ‘next time when people ask you for directions, WALK AWAY. Its dangerous to help people nowadays.’ Maybe that’s what I should have done, ran for my life when he asked for help. 

Ridiculous if you ask me.

Something should be done. We should feel SAFE walking to and fro uni. And it should be SAFE dammit to want to help people. The spirit of chivalry is dead I tell you. DEAD. If this is how things are going now, I actually can imagine a future where people will just mind their own business-indifferent, rude and oblivious to their surroundings. It doesn’t hurt to stop and smile you know. That’s another one of those ridiculous situations I’ve had to come across lately. What happened to smiling just because I want to? You don’t have to fricking get their whole family history every time you say hi to someone. Nor do you have to worry about how the person will perceive your smile to be. It’s their problem really if they think something else of your smile. A simple smile alone goes a long way. And YET, even that is so hard to accomplish sometimes. Some people ah, they just need a good smack on the head to bring them back down to earth.


Of course, the best part of today was the food. lots and lots of it. (I've a strong notion that they actually put cas-cas (kas-kas?) inside their food. no food can be THAT addictive!) interesting conversations with pervy people. medstudents i tell you. haha. learnt more than i needed to today :/

The best is yet to come

there's so much to say

but nothing to say if you won't listen.

I thought we've been through it all. the high ups and the definite very low lows. (forgive the cacated english)

I've tried my best, only to realize it was exactly that. Just my best. My own efforts. With no help. Not from anyone and definitely not from you. I thought independence showed my maturity. 

It just proved my ignorance.

No more of this self sufficiency, I'm leaving it all up to you. Not because I can. But because I want to. Of course, the fear is crazy. Not knowing what lies ahead, not knowing which step leads where but with only enough light to lead my day.

Plans alone rite, I've got a ton. I thought I was set for at least the next 4 years. (being how I'm sure God brought me here and He'll get me through med school. blek.) And yet, there was something lacking. Something someone pointed out today. its been me just taking for granted the good things. 

but.

tomorrow is a brand new day. 

his mercies are new every morning.

littlest things

we're a bunch of kookies i tell you. kookies

gah! 

i'm losing my confidence. my mind. my everything.

i need. to breathe.

days have been long and the weekend is almost here. 

so why the distress i wonder.

What am i gonna do when the best part of me was always you?

I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Okay, so here we go. I decided to run for Culture and Religious Rep for SRC with Husting's Day (a forum cum debate thingy) commencing on Friday. Got 2 tasks to complete by next week and campaigning starts tomorrow! i am scared. BUT. its not about me anymore, is it?

I have been more than blessed. To have friends who sacrifice their time, their effort. its not easy! haha. but the journey's been fun so far with them by my side.

note to self : Laugh more. Frown less. Complain not, Love more.

You're the only one

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You’re the only one that I want
Think I’m addicted to your light 

Lecithin / sphingomyelin ratio

Reid Index

Raynaud's Phenomenon

Microscopic Polyangiitis

Hypersensitive pneumonitis

These names are staring back at me now even as I attempt to waste more time not studying. I don't know if its the stress or the adrenaline rush.. but I'm not liking it very much.

i miss sleep :(

sleep.. where for art thou!

I've realized that pleasing people shouldn't be a chore. Wanting to make people happy should not be an obligation. And I'm learning from the best people around. Funny how God puts the right people in your life in the exact right season you need them.

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. —Psalm 37:3 

I've been counting my blessings.. and realizing that he has indeed been faithful.. (its up to us anyway to see the cup as half full or half empty. blek.) for the funniest mum and dad with the biggest hearts. for a crazy brother (who i havent heard from in ages *sigh*sigh*SIGH*). for friends who make the world go round, friends with different skin tone. friends who look radianttt, friends who sshiinneee :P blek.

i think.. 

i'm in love.

and its a good place to be. :)

I swore I’d never fall again
But this don’t even feel like falling
Gravity can’t forget
So pull me back to the ground again

Last one standing

This is where I'll find the strength to carry on
This is where I'll find the strength to stand

Coming out to breathe

Orientation is O-V-E-R!

                               * MEDT109 bootcamp. Can you survive? *

I didn't bring a camera for last night's finale night. nevertheless, after a rough start, everything went smoothly with the ever amazing Korwoi and dear Elvyna emceeing and making sure everything went well. Tho there was a lack of communication among us finale night people, me thinks the event went pretty well.

Of course, no one needs to know this but I was pleased (happified, really) with my amazing amazing friends who did so much! The time machine, the backdrop was purely them and they did an awesome job with everything!  pictures as proof to come soon! oh, also not forgetting the disco ball which my dear neighbour and friend Losh Bosh and I managed to complete haha. after sleepless nights lol. everytime someone bounced it i think my heart bounced as well. agh. also, i'm awed la. amazing people (who i heart *sigh*) came dressed up haha. ABBA, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, Whitney.. guys, i hoped you had fun! we had a pimp in the crowd, and some really original retro outfits. all was good. :)

We need a proper costume party tho. I might just come as Big Bird or the Cookie Monster.

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funny when things happen and bring new perspective.. a new outlook on life. a different way of perceiving things.

we may not always like each other. but heck, we've made it this far. There's so much to improve in myself. To change. After everything I've done and said, I find it hard to see that his grace is still more than enough. His love is still there. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. —Romans 5:8 I don't know what my Christ sees in me but I'm glad he still loves me. I don't know what He saw in me but I'm glad he believed, In spite of my condition that His mission was to rescue my heart. Don't understand the sacrifice, why You gave up Your life for the sake of my soul..

I still don't understand. I don't deserve all this. Teach me O Lord to obey you.