Mengejar hadirmu.

of late, i've been feeling a little lost. a little dissatisfied. its been one of those 'why am i here' moments crossed with 'i want to do more' moments. there seems to be an awful large contradiction with one part of me wanting change yet with the other part of me not bothered to do anything.

despite that, my papa has been faithful even in the little things. even with me being so self absorbed lately, he makes a way for greater blessing, greater callings, life encounters. its times like this I realize there is so much more to know about the God who created the heavens and the earth. Who is this who put life into motion? Who separated the skies from the oceans. Who calmed the raging sea. Who breathe hope in me.

2009. a year of seeking him. To knowing him more. To making him known. To learn about him. To put my entire trust in him. To deny myself the pleasures I seek. For the glory of his name.

Lord, let me drink. let me find rest in you. It seems its easier to sink in a depressed mood rather than a joyful mood. : /

BUT, i'm done living with sadness. I'm done not taking control of my emotions! Tomorrow is a new day. a new start. the old has gone, the new has come.

The joy of the Lord.. is my strength :)

Take it all.

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I saw her standing there

its not that i have a fear of cockroaches.. its just that i've had this pest problem for almost a year already and its beginning to be very annoying. for all i know i have mutant pests crawling underneath my bathroom. oh well, ignorance is bliss. i'd rather not think about it.

in another note, i've realized a lot about myself lately. I've lost the spark, the edge. the passion. the need. i don't have that anymore.

When the heart grieves over what is has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.

so much has gone. but its time to take charge of things. time to look to him. time to surrender everything. i need to get excited.

its time to start rejoicing over what I've got left. 

I don't deserve so much. and I wonder how much He can love me despite of how I've been.

Anywhere you are
Is never too far away
There’s freedom from your scars
The mistakes that you’ve made
Forgiven
The memories erased
Baby, that’s the beauty of grace

-Beauty of Grace, Krystal Meyers

Its been an interesting few weeks. not terribly cheerful and oh-so-bubbly but its been bearable. heh. i sound morbid. i feel morbid for i don't know what reason :/ its been a good day tho.. tha day started out perfect enough! woke up with a lover on my side just for Valentine's :P (i'll just keep it at that. haha)

its a good day indeed.

So what? I'm still a rockstar.

with pbl in 8 hours, i should have been finishing whatever I've yet to finish.. So I decided to take a quick nap. i switched off the lights and just as i was about to doze off, something fell on my leg. I knew exactly what it was! ARGH. i jumped off my bed, ran to switch on the lights, and lo and behold, there lying on my bed where my feet had been.. was a stupid cockroach. a stoopid icky crawly yucky freaking cockroach. even after 3 visits from pest control, they seem to have not disappeared. 

stoopid cockroaches i tell you.

because of one cockroach, sleep has left me. left me sitting in a corner of my room, wishing for the umpteenth time that I had someone to come kill all of them and let me sleep in peace. oh where art thou much needed cockroach exterminator? my life i shall owe you forever. ugh.

so irritating.

let us stand as one, united with the common goal to destroy every single cockroach still crawling the earth!

they deserve no less. 

Reason enough

I don't know what You saw in me
But I'm glad You believed
In spite of my condition
That Your mission was to rescue my heart
Don't understand the sacrifice
Why You gave up Your life for
the sake of my soul
Only heaven knows

There's a mystery that lies
Within the logic of Your love
There's an undying mercy
That I'm unworthy of

New week. Lecturers. PBLs. Friends. People.

I need to get back on track. Somehow