I thought i had it in me. years in the children's ministry in church had taught me the tools of the trade. or so i thought. we used to handle kids from every age group. toddler or tween i was ready to tackle. diaper change? i can handle it. whining kid? boleh ba. crying baby? bagi seja aku. yep, i thought those years helping and teaching kids every sunday (plus all those camps? lets not even start!) was the proper training i needed. i was convinced i learnt to a better person. A patient person. I thought i've been through the worst. i was ready for anything. i thought i had all the necessary skills honed in me.
then i board the plane back home.
(me thinks its because i've not been around kids for the longest time. Since I left Sandakan I haven't really gotten the chance to work with kids. hehe.) anyway, we get to our seats and there comes 2 of the most adorable toddlers you have ever seen. you get all mushy inside and out comes the baby talk. what darlings :) *aawwww*
THEN
first came the whining. it wasnt anything out of the norm you know. it was typical baby whining that usually doesnt bother anyone else. but somehow the frequency increased. the amplitude increased as well. kenyaringan tangisan kedua-dua bayi tersebut meninggi dengan begitu sahaja.
without warning, the crying just wouldn't stop.
poor parents of both kids had everyone else in the plane staring at them. with some people even passing by giving out huge "sighs" and "aiyos".
haha.
needless to say, i felt like smacking the 2 kids. they were not babies, mind you. toddlers. 5-ish? 6-ish? i resorted to pulling the roots out of my hair instead.
all those much earned skills of nanny-ing thrown out the window. flew into the abyss of clouds. evaporated like rain water. died like flowers in the fields. UGH.
but then kan, i thought of something.
I wonder how God feels like everytime I turn into a whiny, crying baby.
my mum said the kids were probably crying because they were unfamiliar with the plane. i truly admire the parents' patience and love. :)
which got me wondering. when was the last time i was so scared of the unfamiliarity around me? when i challenged him to prove he was real? As a father he probably sat there knowing full well our destination, telling me its alright, holding tear-eyed me, still comforting me. still holding me, even with everyone else looking at us condescendingly. even when i wouldnt listen. :/
i'm glad he held on.
so now one baby is in front of me. looking at me with the depressed, forlorn look only babies are gifted with, crying very very loud.
I look at her. I smile :) I play the peekaboo game (i wonder whats the proper name for it lol) with her. she looks at me. she's gone quiet! (whhee!) is that a smile i see? *grins*
she looks at her dad again, she takes in a deep breathe (as much as her tiny lungs can take anyway..)
..and she cries.
so i'm back home. was so close to not coming back. was even closer to having a lonely christmas in vista :( but, i am home
ah, its good to be back! tis a mixed feeling of happyness and sadness really.
but to be in this tiny town, in my own bed!
:)
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