Do you not know?

Just my two cents' worth. The holidays, is making me cynical.

I don't wanna miss a thing

Been stuck in the go between lately of my own wants versus my needs of surrendering to him. Staring at the 30 choices with 6 different ends of the earth, she remembers the weekend when a new acquaintance pointed out the verse long put away in the attic.

Prov 16:9 A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.

He doesn't realize how much that one verse tugged the chords of this heart. To know he has a plan and act upon it is not easy. Decisions still need to be made. Answers still need to be submitted.

Will he send me to Australia? Will I be soaking in the amazing sceneries of Scotland or will I be stuck in gloomy London weather?

For his ways are always higher.. Perhaps he does know what he's doing, no? ;)

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it. Attitude is the single most significant decision I make each day - Charles Swindoll

Prov 19:21 There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand.

Ker'na semua yang baik dalam hidupku itulah karyamu

Mengabdikan hidupku sesuai rencanaMu.

To give my upmost for his highest is to turn down so much of how I think, of how I feel. If things were my way, I imagine it would not be such a great world. I'm still too selfish that way. I'm trying to step through that door. You know, the door with life involving both pitfalls and blessings with a whole lot of surrender on the other side.

The amazing thing is that He never pushes. He'll bring you in front of this door again and again. Its you with the decision to make. Total surrender.

Step through it and you may not feel all that different. You'll probably be the same person you are now. But the purpose of your life will have changed. Stepping through the door doesn't change you - it does, however, change everything you're heading toward from this point on.

It means breaking the husk of my individual independence of God, and the emancipating of my personality into oneness with Himself, not for my own ideas, but for absolute loyalty to Jesus.

-Oswald Chambers.

I have hit the insomniac button again yet not much is being accomplished. As always, the fault lies in the same place. I wonder though, it is possible to not care? To not let the situation overwhelm or break you down.

ah well, study time. nerd mode:ON. Reproductive system seem to haunt even my dreams.

'Coz all I need is you

Psalm 27:4 - The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.

Oh, to be still. To forget and press on. To surrender. To be for a cause. To be sold out. To not care. To feel. To be in and not of! Tis something I still struggle with. Feeling of apathy. Superficiality. Priorities needing readjustment. Oh the flesh!

To get back on track.

To live life knowing its all about him.

To the unseen path, knowing his light is just enough.

All i have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all i have not seen

- Ralph Waldo Emerson (Something I got from a dear sister. Sabby, you cease to amaze me. the epitome of surrender. i love you much!)

could you take me beyond, could you carry me through?

sigh. Waking up to 'There's a cry in my heart for your glory to fall.. for Your presence to fill up my senses. There's a yearning again, a thirst for discipline. A hunger for things that are deeper.' Ah yes, that feeling for something greater. that yearning oh Lord for your name to be lifted high! Yet that fear of failure, that fear that you won't make it still crawls in even when you know he's got you. No one ever said the road would be easy.

I told myself this time it would be different. I want to achieve so much! And yet at times I settle for so little. There is so much to be done and Robert Frost put it best -
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

I feel incompetent more and more everyday. And surprise, surprise, its not the medical books causing the nauseating episodes.

All those frozen strawberries I used to chill your bruising knees

20nd of September - exactly 2 months from my last post. Its a good day to revive a blog, is it not? I shalt trieth hardereth. To bringeth joy and flowers and sunshine to this blog with of course, one or two dark and twisty posts in between...

I shalt starteth getting back on track. To routine? To that which is constant? Sometimes I wish I'm done riding this roller coaster. You never know when that deep plunge is gonna take place. You just have to have faith that you won't fall forward. That the seat belts will do their job. That the feeling of falling over is just a feeling, and nothing else. Just a feeling. A terrible feeling. An exhilarating feeling. But still only a feeling.

You won't fall. and to make it even better, throughout the whole ride, you get your adrenaline rush.

Better than the riches of this world

I'm on my way
I promise you that I won't be long
I just called
Called you to say
I miss every little little moment
without you

And I can't wait
For us to be alone.
I'm almost in your arms.
I'm coming home.

That's right people, after a grueling 16 hour flightcummoviemarathon. she has only 4 more hours to Malaysian soil! she misses Malaysian food. HongKong food is yucky - just my 2 cents worth :)

These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray

Even with Starbucks everywhere, this girl's been having trouble accessing the net.. agh. She just found out today there's been wireless in the hotel room she's in but realizes its too late.

Crazy times. God-given wonderful blessed times. I wish I could record every second of it!

BUT, the place is stinky & congested. Its been pretty much a love hate relationship with the city :/

Anyway, this short post is to let everyone know that yes, SHE IS ALIVE. mwahahah

and as much as she loves this part of the world, she can't wait to go back :)

We'll get lost together until the light comes pouring through

Life is funny. Little things everywhere. Whether you notice them or not. Can make your day. Can put a smile on your face :)

little things. pretty nice little things like beautiful sunsets. cool weather. bear hugs. good food.

even the notsonicethings. like 19 hour flights. and bad flus & headaches :'( why are they nice? because there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

good times. it makes everything better.

3 more days...

3 hari lagi...

awayfromeverything.

He is Lord, He is Lord

Sings my soul, He is Lord.

And he lives, yes he lives.

Here in my life

There are times I wonder what I'm doing and why I'm here. Why the sleepless nights and the anxiety thinking if I'll make it this time. I wonder if I will ever make a good doctor. To deal with real lives in your hands. I wonder why it has to be so hard. Sometimes it feels like I should be doing something easier. Something I know I'll be good at.

Then I start wondering about you. I wonder how you love me. Despite the insecurities and the imperfections. Despite how low things get. You love me. Even after everything. Something I cannot understand.

He loves ME. He wants to bless me. Why is it easy to run back in his arms and fall in love with him all over again? I don't deserve any of this. There's no more shame, nor guilt nor tears or pain. He's never given up on me. I don't plan to give up just yet.

I have never walked on water

Felt the waves beneath my feet but

At your Word Lord, I’ll receive Your

Faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember how You found me:

In that very same place

All my failing surely would've drowned me

But You made a way

You are my freedom

Jesus you’re the reason

I’m kneeling again at Your throne

Where would I be without You

Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens

Sing for joy at one who finds

The way to freedom, truth of Jesus

Bought from death into His life

And I remember how You saw me:

Through the eyes of Your grace

And though the cost was Your beloved for me

Still you made a way

Its the last chance to feel again

with eos coming so so fast, the biggest question of this semester remains...

.

..

...

....

WHERE'S THE BEST PLACE FOR DIVING in kk? *sigh*

I don't know which one to choose. 

Or perhaps climbing mount K should be enough? i don't like kk anyway. haha

electives! our much awaited holidaycumhospitalattachment. Heard QEH is being demolished. Gah!

a thought : with cling, jl and the three dahlings, tis going to be an interesting 2 weeks indeed. :)

oh! (magic lecture notes appear out of thin air!) hello there tuberculosis. Its nice to meet you again. Would you like to stay for a cup of tea?

byebye :)

Going Nowhere

mwhahaahha. One of the funniest pick up lines I've heard so far.

Guy : Can I massage your feet? 
Girl : Why would I let you? 

Guy : Because they hurt. 
Girl : They do? 
Guy : You were running in my dreams all night.... Please have coffee with me. 

haha, Paris Je t'aime... myheartcanmelt :)

okay okay, back to the land of cvs and respi. 

kan bagus klu aku boleh lari pi france...

In weakness or trial or pain

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

:)

She's exhausted she's tired she's scared.

And yet, the sun still shines in the morning! There is still air in her lungs. There is still reason to live. She wonders. 

herGodisaGodwhoprovides. 

Breathe in, breathe out. 3 weeks. only.3.weeks.more.

"Me and all my friends, we're all misunderstood

With Ash having epiphanies of chocolate, I couldn't help but to join in. 

Addison in Private Practice said it perfectly - 'I'm avoiding being kissed. I'm gonna donate my lips to chocolate'

oh to turn down temptation >:(

After a rather weird conversation of  random updates, mindless chatter, it had to end with the usual whys and whatswrongwithyous.

I wonder why we've come to the stage where arguing is becoming routine. 

"Behind every argument is someone's ignorance."

- Louis D. Brandeis

The question is whose ignorance it is. Yours or mine?

"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute."

- Josh Billings 

I'm keeping these lips sealed for now.

Somebody call 911

theres a cat meowing outside my apartment for the past one hour. I'm this close to throwing a rock at it :/

are cats edible? I wonder...

concentrate, natasha. concentrate!

hmm, why are there no stars in kl :( the sky's not even black. its greyish with a slight red-ish tint. stoopid pollution.

the CAT! still meowing.

focus natasha, focus!

creepy eye cat. yuck.

i wonder if I should go to sleep now.

where's your focus, woman!

gah, nontubercularinfectivediseaseofthelungs is silly.

creepy, meowing cats are silly.

silly girl.

Sing with your spirit, clap with your hands :)

The thrill of the chase. that strange feeling, that adrenaline rush through your system, your heart going ten times its pace every time you catch even a glimpse of him whom you are in pursuit of, that even the mere thought of him turns your knees to jelly. That need to find him. That desire to not let him go until he blesses you. 

I want that.

With the innerself in conflict. Oh, to turn down the flesh! To run. To pursue and seek only that.

His kingdom and his righteousness. cozeverythingelsewillbeaddeduntothat.

And, to starve what is not from him.

(somewhere in Montana - June '08) 

I remember as I stood there taking this picture, a verse just suddenly came to mind...

For you will go out with joy  And be led forth with peace;  The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you,  And all the trees of the field will clap their hands. (Isaiah 55:12)

He deserves the best :)

I'm falling to pieces

The dream is fading, now I'm staring at the door
I know its over cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain't feelin what I see
It's no mystery

How can you marry someone who doesn't love you? How can somebody be that selfish? :''( Why so much pain? so much heartache :(

hati saya sudah hancur

Natasha doesn't like lovetriangleswithsadendings

stoopid movie. stoopid movie! It should be banned for making people cry. *sigh*

yes, it won best cinematography yes it was splendid acting BUT its too depressing. sigh.

Legends of the Fall guys, absolutely brilliant movie. depressing movie. top 10 in my list BUT still ohsosad :(

Whatever happened to a passion I could live for
What became of the flame that made me feel more
And when did I forget that
I was made to love you

I travel the world and the seven seas

I have always had a complicated relationship with football. Despite the fact I grew up in a family with football crazy boys with the dad, brother, uncles and cousins always going kuku when it was time to see 20 grown men running around to get a ball with 2 other grown men making sure the ball didn't enter the net, I have never fallen in love with the game. Yes, I do find it interesting and yes, I don't find it torture to sit through an entire football match - but... I have never had that burning desire to support and root for a certain team. nor have I had that intense passion to get up at 4am in the morning just to see them in action... (for this I get a 'blek' by the wiseone)

However, the Barca vs Man Utd was a different story. I cannot describe that happy feeling I felt the moment Lionel Messi scored their second goal. Tho I think personally Man U played wonderfully well the first 10 minutes (I really thought they could win the whole thing), Barcelona practically stole the show the next 80 minutes. It was totally worth it to see Ronaldo getting frustrated minute by minute! mwahahaha. 2-0! I take joy in the little things thats annoying and killing others at this moment :)

Kini gemilang itu semakin pasti ku genggam...

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God
Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God

Thank you Lord for a new day, for air to breathe, for a reason to live.

Its is Monday. It is a beautiful non-bluey blue Monday :) and and and - the birds are singing!

Anyone else in love with Breakfast at Tiffany's?

Paul Varjak: I love you.
Holly Golightly: So what.
Paul Varjak: So what? So plenty! I love you, you belong to me!
Holly Golightly: [tearfully] No. People don't belong to people.
Paul Varjak: Of course they do!
Holly Golightly: I'll never let ANYBODY put me in a cage.
Paul Varjak: I don't want to put you in a cage, I want to love you!

*sigh* loveyoldschoolmovies i like :)